Antek is two years and four months old. For a few weeks now, after every poo he has been pulling his mum by the hand to the bathroom and pointing at his nappy, and some mornings he wakes up dry. The potty has been standing in the hallway since spring and so far serves as a stool for putting on shoes. His grandmother says his dad was “clean” long before this age; a friend from the playground says the potty can wait until after the third birthday. Antek’s parents do not know whether to start yet, or where to begin.
Potty training attracts more contradictory advice than almost any other stage of early childhood. This article brings together the recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and the UK’s National Health Service (NHS) and turns them into a practical plan: how to recognise readiness, how to prepare, how to get through the first weeks, what to do about accidents, nights and setbacks, and when to talk to a paediatrician.
When should you start potty training?
There is no single date by which you have to start. The AAP says that children generally begin to show signs of bladder and bowel control between 18 and 24 months of age, and that in the United States toilet training most often begins between the ages of two and three. According to the AAP, most children are toilet trained by their fourth birthday, and training can begin whenever parents and child are ready for it.
The NHS puts it slightly differently. Its guide “Potty training your child” says that almost all children can be potty trained between 18 months and two and a half years, and that you do not need to wait for your child to show signs of readiness or to ask for the potty. Waiting too long, according to the NHS, can delay progress. The AAP, on the other hand, describes specific signs of readiness and situations in which it is better to postpone the start. Both organisations agree on the essential point: it is a process spread over weeks, not a single weekend, and children go through it at different speeds.
If you are interested in a completely different approach, introducing the potty in the first year of life, read the article on early potty training from a Montessori perspective. This guide covers the typical situation: a child who is eighteen months or older and wears a nappy all day.
Signs of readiness in one table
The AAP lists six signals showing that a child may be ready to start. They do not need to show all of them at once. The table helps you see how many your child already has.
| Sign of readiness | What it looks like day to day | Source |
|---|---|---|
| Dry for at least 2 hours | A dry nappy after a longer walk or after a nap | AAP |
| Shows they are weeing or pooing | Grunts, freezes mid-play, squats | AAP |
| Follows simple instructions | “Bring your shoes”, “Sit here” | AAP |
| Walks to the bathroom and helps undress | Pulls trousers down, takes socks off | AAP |
| Dislikes a wet nappy | Tugs at the nappy, asks to be changed | AAP |
| Asks for the potty or for “big-kid” pants | Wants to sit on the potty like an older sister | AAP |
The NHS adds a few everyday observations: the child fidgets, suddenly goes quiet or hides when doing a poo. Behaviour like this helps you catch the right moment to offer the potty. Antek from the opening has at least four of the six signs: he lets his parents know about a poo, he wakes up dry, he follows simple instructions and he does not want to stay in a dirty nappy. That is a strong signal that it is time to begin.
What a two-year-old typically does in other areas, such as speech, movement and independence, is described in the article on what a 2-year-old should be able to do.
When it is better to wait
Even when a child shows signs of readiness, it is sometimes worth waiting a few weeks. The AAP advises postponing training if the family is moving house or planning a move, is expecting a baby or has just welcomed a sibling, and during a major illness, after a death in the family or in another family crisis. The NHS similarly recommends choosing a calm period without big changes to the child’s or the family’s routine.
The reason is simple: potty training demands attention and a sense of security from the child. When a lot of new things are happening, children often slip back in freshly learned skills, and parents have less patience. It is better to start two months later at a calm time than now in the middle of chaos and then go back to nappies.
A good moment is often a period when, for a few weeks, you can keep a steady daily rhythm and have time to watch your child. Warm months are convenient, because loose clothing and quick changes are easier, but that is a convenience, not a condition.
Preparation: potty or toilet seat, clothes, books
Before you take the nappy off, get your child familiar with the subject. The NHS suggests simple everyday activities: reading potty books, demonstrating with a doll, practising sitting on the potty fully dressed, naming wee and poo, changing nappies in the bathroom, flushing and washing hands together. A short spell without a nappy also helps, for example about half an hour after a wee or poo. The AAP adds that children should be able to watch adults use the toilet and wash their hands afterwards, and that the family should choose ordinary, neutral words for body parts, wee and poo, without shaming terms.
Potty or toilet seat? The AAP recommends a child-sized potty chair with a removable bowl, on which the child sits with their feet on the floor. The NHS accepts both options. If you choose the toilet, you need a child seat, a step and ideally handrails, and the child should sit so that their knees are higher than their hips. Stable support for the feet helps the child relax, especially when doing a poo.
What to have ready:
- pants or reusable training pants, several pairs to change into,
- clothes that are easy to take off: the NHS mentions joggers and leggings rather than buttons and tights,
- spare clothes in a bag for every outing,
- a washable liner for the car seat,
- a travel potty for longer trips.
The AAP offers one more idea: a book or a favourite toy next to the potty makes a few minutes of sitting less boring. For a child who cannot sit still for long, the NHS suggests reading a short book or singing a song together.
Constipation — check before you drop the nappy
This point is easy to skip, and it can block the whole process. The NHS advises checking that your child is not constipated before you stop using nappies. A child should be doing soft poos at least every other day. Hard, dry, pebble-like stools or visible straining point to constipation.
A painful poo makes a child afraid of the next one, so they hold it in, and holding it in makes constipation worse. Such a child is hard to potty train, because the potty is linked in their mind with pain. The NHS recommends talking to a doctor about constipation before you start. The AAP, for its part, lists constipation and painful bowel movements among the physical causes of setbacks in toilet training.
How do you potty train a child step by step?
The NHS describes potty training in five simple steps, which fit well with the AAP’s tips. Most importantly, every adult who looks after the child should do the same thing: parents, grandparents, a nanny and the nursery. A plan like this, kept up for a few weeks, gives the child the predictability they need to learn a new everyday skill.
Step 1. Tell your child what is changing. Pick a calm day and explain briefly: “From today, wees and poos go in the potty, and the nappy is only for sleeping.” No long speeches and no threats.
Step 2. Pants during the day. The NHS advises stopping all daytime nappies, including pull-ups, and keeping a nappy only for naps and nights for now. In pants the child feels wet, and that helps them connect the signal from their body with what happens next. The AAP likewise recommends switching to ordinary underwear from the start of training and notes that nappies and disposable training pants can signal to a child that they do not need to learn.
Step 3. Regular invitations to the potty. Offer the potty after waking, after meals, before leaving the house, before naps and before bedtime, and whenever you pass a toilet. The AAP recommends sitting the child on the potty first thing in the morning. Watch for cues too: fidgeting, sudden quiet, squatting. An invitation works better than an order: “Come on, let’s see if anything comes.”
Step 4. Praise trying, not just success. The NHS advises praising every attempt, even when nothing happens. How to praise is covered in a separate section below.
Step 5. Hand over more and more. Wiping, flushing, washing hands, pulling pants up, choosing pants in the morning: the NHS and the AAP both encourage gradually handing as much as possible over to the child. A child who pulls their own trousers down and washes their own hands feels that this is their business, not their parent’s. The Montessori approach applies the same principle, helping a child do things by themselves, to every daily activity; the article on Montessori and independence explains it.
The AAP points out that boys can urinate sitting down first and learn to stand later. For many families this is simpler, because wees and poos happen in the same place and in the same position.
Praise, rewards and avoiding power struggles
The AAP writes that children learn best when they are praised for their progress rather than punished for their mistakes. Praise works best when it is specific: “You felt you needed a wee and you got to the potty by yourself”, rather than a general “great”. The NHS gives encouragement, stickers or a reward chart as examples.
The AAP is more cautious, though. In its twelve tips it says that mastering the skill is the best reward, and that power struggles, begging, pleading, rewarding and punishing keep children from managing their own toileting. The two pieces of advice can be reconciled: a small sign of recognition, such as a sticker on a calendar, does no harm, but it should not turn learning into a trade.
The key point in this section is simple: you cannot make a child do a wee. A two-year-old notices very quickly that this is one of the few things over which they have complete control. The more a parent pushes, the more willingly the child refuses. The AAP recommends staying calm. In practice, keep potty sitting short: if nothing comes after a few minutes, the child gets up and you try again later.
Hygiene: wiping, handwashing, flushing
Learning to use the potty also means learning hygiene. The AAP recommends that girls wipe from front to back and that all children wash their hands thoroughly after using the toilet. At first an adult wipes and shows how, then the child tries alone and the adult finishes off. A fixed sequence helps: pants down, sit, wee, paper, pants up, flush, wash hands. The AAP stresses that the steps should always come in the same order and the potty should always stand in the same place.
Flushing can be a problem of its own. The AAP describes how some children are afraid that part of their body will be flushed away along with the poo. It helps when the child presses the button themselves and sees what happens, because that gives them a sense of control. For children sensitive to loud noises, the NHS suggests ear defenders while flushing, and where smells are a problem, a gentle scent such as peppermint or lavender.
What should you do about accidents?
Accidents are part of learning, not proof of failure. The NHS says plainly that they happen to most children and are a normal part of the learning process. The best response is calm: briefly name what happened, change the child, clean up together and go back to playing. The AAP suggests telling the child you are sure they will do better next time and asking them to help you clean up.
Helping to clean up is not a punishment. The child carries the wet pants to the bathroom, fetches a cloth, picks new trousers. It teaches them that their body and what it does are their business, and it is done without shame and without remarks like “again?”. The AAP also notes that some children wet or soil their pants on purpose to keep a parent involved. In that case a calm, matter-of-fact change without extra attention, and cleaning up together, helps.
If there are a great many accidents and the child does not want to sit on the potty at all, it may mean they are not quite ready yet, and it is sensible to put training aside for a few weeks. A break is not a failure. It is information that the start was too early or badly timed.
Naps and nights: when will my child stop wetting at night?
Dry nights usually arrive well after dry days. The AAP writes that bladder control at night often comes months or even years after daytime toilet training is complete. Bedwetting is common up to the age of five, and in many children under six the bladder, or the mechanism that wakes them up, is not yet mature enough for dry nights. The NHS adds that night-time dryness comes naturally over time and does not need to be taught.
Naps. The NHS advises switching to pants for naps only once your child is regularly waking up dry from them. Offer the potty just before and just after the nap.
Nights. As long as your child often wakes up wet, a nappy or pull-ups at night are a sensible solution. The AAP advises downplaying night-time training through the toddler and even the preschool years. When mornings have been dry for a good while, you can try nights in pants, with a mattress protector. If nights become wet again after a dry spell, the AAP suggests going back to pull-ups at night and trying again later.
When a child wakes up wet, the AAP advises not blaming them, telling them it is not their fault, and having a household rule that nobody, siblings included, teases them about it. The child can help change the bedding, but not as a punishment.
Regression — my child is wetting their pants again
Regression, meaning a step back in a freshly learned skill, is common. The AAP describes how children learn in spurts with plateaus in between, and regression can look like neglecting the potty, frequent accidents or asking to go back to nappies.
The AAP lists typical causes:
- a change in childcare, such as a new carer or starting nursery,
- the birth of a sibling or the mother’s pregnancy,
- illness of the child or someone close, or a death in the family,
- conflict between the parents or a separation,
- a recent or planned house move,
- physical causes: constipation, painful bowel movements, a urinary tract infection.
According to the AAP, the first step is a visit to the paediatrician to rule out physical causes. Only then is it worth looking for the cause in everyday life: ask the child a few open questions, remembering that at this age they often cannot put their feelings into words, spend more one-to-one time together, talk to other carers. The AAP reminds parents that regression usually does not last long and children go back to the potty after a few days or weeks. If it lasts a month or more, the child may not have been fully ready, and a short break from training can be reasonable.
Regression often coincides with starting nursery. How children settle into a new setting is described in the nursery adaptation guide.
When to talk to a doctor
Most difficulties with potty training resolve with patience and a steady routine. There are, however, signs that are worth taking to a paediatrician. The AAP lists among them a situation in which a child has been fully toilet trained for six months or longer and then suddenly starts wetting the bed, as well as:
- pain or burning when weeing,
- a weak stream of urine or dribbling,
- pink or cloudy urine,
- wetting both during the day and at night,
- poor bowel control,
- leaking when coughing or lifting something,
- problems with walking,
- underwear that is constantly damp.
The NHS advises contacting a health professional about constipation before you start, if progress is clearly slow, if your child is about to start school and still needs help, and at any time you are worried or finding it hard. For families in Poland, that conversation will usually be with the child’s paediatrician. In the case of regression, the AAP recommends that the first step should be an examination by the paediatrician.
Potty training, nursery and preschool
Many families start thinking about the potty because nursery or preschool is coming up. Settings have different rules: some help with potty training on site, others expect children to use the toilet by the time they start preschool. Rather than guessing, ask the setting you have chosen what it expects and how its staff support children who are learning.
Wherever your child spends the day, the NHS advises using the same approach at home, at nursery and with a childminder or nanny. It is worth agreeing with carers on the words you use for wee and poo, the times you offer the potty and how you respond to accidents. A supply of spare clothes in the cloakroom and clothes the child can take off alone are useful.
Avoid, however, combining the start of potty training with the first days in a new setting. The AAP lists starting care outside the home among the typical causes of regression, so two big changes at once is a lot for a child. If you can, start a few weeks earlier or wait until your child has settled into the group.
FAQ — parents’ questions about potty training
At what age should a child use the potty? The AAP says that signs of bladder control usually appear between 18 and 24 months and that most children are toilet trained before their fourth birthday. The NHS says almost all children can learn between 18 months and two and a half years.
How long does potty training take? There is no single answer, because children learn at different speeds. The AAP describes how a child may quickly master weeing in the potty but need several more months for poos, and a dry night usually comes long after dry days.
Is a potty or a toilet seat better? Both work. What matters is stability: the AAP recommends a potty on which the child’s feet reach the floor, and for the toilet the NHS recommends a child seat and a step so that the knees are higher than the hips.
Do pull-ups help with training? During the day, not really. The NHS advises stopping all daytime nappies, including pull-ups, and the AAP notes that disposable training pants can signal to a child that they do not need to learn. For naps and nights they can stay longer.
My child is afraid of the potty. What should I do? Do not force it. Let your child sit on the potty fully dressed, read a book next to it, flush the toilet. Also check for constipation, because a painful poo is often the source of the fear.
Does a 4-year-old who wets the bed need a doctor? Usually not, because according to the AAP bedwetting is common up to the age of five. See a paediatrician if a child who had long been dry suddenly starts wetting, and if there is pain, burning or unusual-looking urine.
Final thoughts
Potty training rarely goes in a straight line. There are usually good days, harder weeks, poos that arrive only after wees, and nights that stay wet for a long time. What helps most is a calm start at a good moment, pants during the day, regular invitations to the potty, praise for trying, and the same rules with every carer. When something is worrying, physical causes are best ruled out by a paediatrician.
Antek from the opening already lets his parents know about a poo and wakes up dry. In a few weeks the potty in the hallway may stop serving as a shoe stool, provided someone lets him sit on it without hurrying him.
If you would like to see what a day looks like for the youngest children in a nursery group, see the page on the Montessori nursery.